A series of events... (AKA the birth of Wren)

I would like to start this off by saying this is going to be a long story. It was not what you would call "uncomplicated" to say the very least. But let us go back to where the series events began to play out...

Dave and I had our last high risk doctor appointment and last "growth" ultrasound on November 8th at 9:30am. I was 36 weeks 2 days pregnant at the time. We were told at our last high risk appointment (the month prior) that they would calculate by hand the baby's growth and determine how much she was growing daily/weekly at this last appointment and determine if she was still growing appropriately or if we would possibly be induced that day if her growth had slowed or gone off the curve she had been on. So we showed up, went in for the ultrasound and the ultrasound tech did her thing. We asked what her growth percentile was and it was the exact same as it was a month before that (14th percentile) so she had kept on track with what she had been doing before growth wise. They estimated her at 5lbs 7oz. She then informed us that what was really bringing down her growth statistics were her femurs. All her other body measurements were anywhere between the 20-50s percentiles but her femurs were measuring less than 2% and her humerus bones were "short" as well but those aren't used for overall growth calculation. She also mentioned the baby was head down and the the skull kind of looked different which I noticed as well while she was doing the ultrasound. It's kind of hard to explain but it was like instead of looking like smooth edges her skull looked jagged in some spots (not freakishly but not super smooth either). This was the first we heard about the femurs, humerus bones and skull. So she finished the ultrasound and it was next time for our actual doctor appointment.

We had seen one high risk doctor the entire time but it just so happens this one day, our last appointment, our doctor had something come up and was now on a personal leave which was really bad timing when important decisions were to be made and especially since we had never met this doctor before and she was just now seeing our information and profile. Anyways the doctor brought us in, reviewed our stats, said she thought that things looked okay and she didn't see a problem with continuing with our original plan for induction between 37-38 weeks. She also started to ask us questions about our family history and if we had any history of little people or dwarfism in our family (which we don't) and brought up the term "skeletal dysplasia" which is a term basically encompasses about 300+ forms of bone deformities. Some mild and some severe but most causing dwarfism or short stature and some of which are fatal. She said to us "I am sure you have talked about this before with Dr. Drennan" and we said, actually no, this was the first the doctor ever said this to us or was that concerned. She was kind of caught off guard but said nothing looked severe and the "good" news was that the baby's ratio that they used to calculate fatal dysplasia was 21% and fatal was 18% so that was "good" news. You should have seen our faces because 3% difference doesn't seem like that much and to be told at 36 weeks your child may have bone deformities is kind of shocking especially since you are so close to delivery and the fact we saw the doctor monthly and we had ultrasounds all this time. So she was about to send us home but then heard my blood pressure reading before walking in her office was 150s/90s. She kind of freaked out and sent me back out to have it checked again. This time it was 160s/100s and she said she was sending us to the hospital to be induced just based on that. Basically I was high risk for pre-eclampsia due to having a kidney disease and was already leaking protein so high blood pressure and/or liver issues would basically confirm the diagnosis whenever it decided to get worse which all my doctors thought it would before the end of pregnancy. I was likened to a ticking time bomb. The high risk doctor said she was going to call my regular OB and tell her the induction recommendation and my blood pressure readings. I was supposed to have an appointment with the regular OB that day as well but in the afternoon. So off to the hospital we went all the while thinking about dysplasias and telling ourselves we wouldn't worry until we saw her.

It was very surreal and strange to be checking in, not in labor and knowing you weren't leaving without delivering a baby to say the least. We got back to the triage/admittance rooms and did all the basic lab work, tests, and needle sticking. Then our regular OB showed up and we had the following discussion: while the high risk doctor recommended induction she wasn't sure if the reason enough to actually induce me alone on that because my liver tests were fine and the high risk doctor was citing "severe pre-eclampsia" which means usually liver is not fine. She said that the only other way that they could induce me is if they did an amnio to check lung maturity first if they didn't go with the pre-eclampsia rationale. At this point I was thinking they were going to send me home but after more talking and a medical write-up from the high risk doctor (who basically was going to put her name on the line and stick with the diagnosis), the regular OB said it they would continue as planned and no need for an amnio. She (the regular OB) was worried about me too and wanted to deliver as a "better safe than sorry" type of situation but also faced the moral dilemma of "was the quoted reason valid" or medically correct (backup-able) and so forth. I was 1cm dilated and about 30-50% effaced (depending on who you asked). Off to a labor room I went...

In the labor room before they could really start anything they had to give me magnesium because of the pre-eclampsia stuff but also antibiotics (because of I was strep B positive) before they could really start any pitocin or labor inducing meds. I was joking with the nurses until the started a fast dose (bolus) of the magnesium then I started to get hot flashes everywhere (even my back) and of course it burns when it enters your arm and I started feeling weird but they say was normal. I was also told before heading to the labor room I could have an epidural ANY time and I thought that was the awesomest thing ever. I said I didn't want to be a total weenie but before they broke my water would be nice because I remember how bad contractions get after that happens. Anyways they decided to do it before I even got into the labor drugs very far: cue the anesthesiologist who looks like a petite Dr. Oz. Before he started he went over my medical history and asked me some questions very seriously about my kidney diseases (which is generally not a big deal) but apparently to him or in reality - it is. He made some comments on how they should have had me come in for a pre-surgical work-up and that my blood pressure would bottom out if he gave it to me etc. -- he then (I later found out) went out and talked to my doctor and told her tht he really thought they should just c-section me right there and not give me an epidural. I am not exactly sure how they would have numbed me in the operating room if he had his way but my OB assured him she thought I would be okay and so he came back in - pushed a full bag of IVs in me before he started and I got the epidural fairly smoothly (except for an unintentional jerk when he poked me). Slowly I got numb and we settled in for the evening to wait it out. Dilating and effacing the rest of the way seemed very slow compared to when I had Everly even though I was induced (gestationally) the exact same date (36wks 2days). Last I was checked was around 10 or 11pm-ish and I was still only around a 3cm dilated but I guess effacing way better and she was dropping down further into the birth canal which they said was a good sign. They also broke my water around 9pm if I remember right.

So Dave and I try to sleep and wait... Dave had basically been up all day and all night because he had gone straight from work to the appointment and then straight from the appointment to the hospital. My doctor guesstimated very roughly I wouldn't deliver till 4-5am at the soonest but probably early morning. Sometime around late 1am-ish my nurse (who is assigned to me) comes in calmly and turns on an oxygen mask and places it over my nose. She tells me (calmly still) that the baby seems to be in some distress and that she wants me to turn on my side. Since I am so numb they have to help turn me. Then that apparently didn't fix things enough so she turned me to the other side. That didn't work either so they tried each side again. Right around going back and forth in bed, a whole herd of people come trotting in my room. About 3 or 4 more nurses, the on staff OBGYN and the anesthesiologist. The doctor finally told me the heart rate was dropping and they suspected a cord compression. I asked the nurse what it was dropping to and she quietly mumbled 65 (if I recall right). So he fiddled around trying to move her head in the birth canal to see if that would make  difference and slowly her heart-rate came up but VERY slowly... he then said they would see what happens in the next 5 minutes and not even a minute after he said that her heart-rate went back down. The next thing I know they were disconnecting all my cords to the monitors and the doctor was petting my arm telling me I was basically headed for a c-section and they were calling my doctor. The nurse gave me a shot in the arm and off we rushed to the OR. During this time Dave woke up in a haze and they tossed scrubs at him and told him to get dressed. He was in the bathroom when they decided to head to OR and so as soon as he came out he had to RUSH to get dressed and follow.

In the OR things happened kind of crazy. They told Dave to stay outside the door and they would call him back. Inside the OR, the nurse was reading off my information out loud that I was getting an emergency c-section (to be recorded and transcribed later on). She was talking so fast she got my birthday mixed up with my medical number to which I had to correct her just in case they had a different patient and didn't have my right blood type or something. They were literally ripping my clothes off, shaving me, slabbing me with iodine and drapes and the anesthesiologist (who was now a young Asian man who had wife who was also pregnant) started to tell me about the medicines he was starting and to stay calm etc. and I would feel tugging but not really pain..... WRONG. They said they would be using my epidural for the procedure mainly but just increasing the dose. THANK HEAVENS I HAD ONE or I think they would have had to full on knock me out because of how fast they were moving. This is where things get hazy. All I really remember are the next few moments.... the doctor asked if I could "feel this" which I was assuming was either a scalpel or something else sharp testing how numb I was and then I said something like "I kind of feel a little.." (I was going to say sharpness) but before I could finish the anesthesiologist was said "GO AHEAD" and the doctor started cutting. What started as a dull ache grew worse and worse and worse and I started to hyperventilate. I kept saying "left side, left side, left side" because it was like the left side wasn't as numb as the rest and I could feel WAY more there and pain. It was the strangest sensation. It was like the doctor was shaking my stomach VERY VERY fast. Not even 2 minutes later I hear LOTS of screaming and see his hands cupping a little ball (very little) of pink flesh and handing it to the nurse. This is what I thought happened next from my memory: I thought they yelled right after she was taken out "GET DAD IN HERE" - and they basically pull Dave in the door, hand him the baby immediately and tell him to show me - snap a picture and he leaves with the NICU staff and the baby. By this time I can not see her facial features even though she is right up to my face, I just see pink flesh. I don't care that he shows me her because I am so out of it I figure I will see her later and I remember nothing else about anything after that until I wake up in recovery with my nurse and a couple of others.

Apparently that didn't quite happen that way... but I was close... according to Dave they did call him right in (he heard her first cry in the hallway) but he said he got to watch them towel her down and weigh her and there was a bit more in the time length than I remember. He also said when he first came in they told him if he was going to pass out to go sit in a certain area because the door he walked through did not block his view from seeing me opened up. All he says was "I tried not to look but you were pretty gory." Once he got up to my head and next to the anesthesiologist. The anesthesiologist filled him in on what was going on and told Dave they "gave [his] wife some more drugs to relax her because she was in pain." After the nurses and pediatrician assessed the baby, Dave left my head took pictures of her being weighed and warmed and then they wrapped her and handed her to him to show me. After a few pictures they did take Dave and leave to the NICU but I thought he was in and out in much faster than he actually was. All total he said he spent less than 5 mins in the OR. I thought he was in there seriously less than a minute.

 

 

Back to my version of the what happened... I am still VERY VERY out of it in the recovery room but since I am awake my doctor comes in to talk to me. They don't tell me much but what I hear is that I had apparently had a placental abruption (where the placenta rips away from the uterus - its like pulling the power cord on your baby). They said my placenta had abrupted partially (they think) before I had even come in for an induction (no one knows exactly when but apparently it looked "older") and instead of bleeding out and warning me something was wrong, it instead created large blood clots behind the placenta on the portion that abrupted. Then when I went into labor at the hospital it started abrupting the rest of the way which is what caused her distress. They said I lost twice the amount of blood someone normally loses during a c-section. Had I gone into labor on my own and not been induced then or had it abrupted the rest of the way - she basically would have died most likely while I was on my way to the hospital or without me even knowing and most likely within the next week or so. I basically was VERY lucky to be induced because then they were monitoring her and caught what we later found out to be the abruption before it got to the point of being fatal.

So after being in the recovery room for awhile (I think they said 2hrs but I could be wrong) they wheel me in to the NICU on my hospital bed to see the baby. By this time I am still totally out of it but a little more aware. I see Dave and he is smiling and I look over under the warmer and see a VERY VERY small swaddled mass. I say "oh my gosh is that her?" and he says "yes it is" and I say "she is SO tiny" and he tells me her stats (4lbs 8.5oz and 18" long) and I say there is no way she could be that long and he brings her over and the nurse says "give her a kiss" and so I kissed my baby in my haze and they snapped another picture (which makes me laugh because apparently the nurses don't want you to miss a photo op especially if you are completely drugged out). All the pictures from the OR, NICU, and hospital in general are horrible -- bad bad horrible but they help me at least to figure out or remember what happened some of them I don't remember at all which is weird. I also asked what her legs looked like and he said she looks pretty normal and proportionate which was good/relief. He got to cut the cord.... shorter... (lol) in the NICU and give her a bath which was exciting.

The next few days play out totally different than I expected or had in my mind. I had no birth plan because I knew I was high risk from the beginning and anything could happen but I did not envision all of what happened to go down the way it did. I spent a total of 5 nights in the hospital (four of which were after delivery). I had a VERY hard time sleeping and was constantly stressed out beyond repair. They were thinking about discharging me Friday and then after I woke up and cried for over 5 hours straight, my doctor decided to keep me an extra night. During this time I had no idea what the status was on the baby as far as how long we were looking at and what she was technically being watched for. I knew she was healthy but had some issues feeding and that was it. We didn't even get to talk to the pediatrician about her till day 3 after delivery. I couldn't even see her for the first day so they brought her to my room special for 1 hour (they fudged and gave me a bit more than that time wise but she had to go back).

 I find out later she was first admitted to the NICU to watch for a blood sugar drop (because I was on steroids during my pregnancy) and then because she had a bit of a problem regulating her body temp (basically keeping warm because she was early and also because she had very little body fat). She did experience one small drop in blood sugar initially but it was nothing and no more drops happened after that. Because of the body temp they put her in an isolette (the thing that looks like a clear plastic incubator) for several days.

 On day three she started to get jaundice but they caught it early and she was only under bili-lights for 2 or 3 day.

Then after that we were down to just the feedings. She would just get too tired eating and not finish enough formula to gain weight or grow so after a few days of her being in there - they put a feeding tube in her nose and anything she didn't eat by mouth she had put down the tube every 3 hours. Before the next feeding they would suction back up the tube what (if anything) was in her stomach, document how much and if it look liked it was being digested - gross right?? They do this though because they don't want food just sitting in her gut rotting and to make sure her body is actually digesting or using it in general. I had no idea they even did that until I think the day I was discharged.

I think the thing that drove me most crazy about the whole deal was the fact that people had to tell me what happened AFTER the fact and not only that but I had to hear bits and pieces of the story from SEVERAL different people and slowly piece it together. I felt like I knew little to nothing of what happened to/with me or the baby for a long time and then only through third parties which was super frustrating. Due to some issues in child care, Dave had to leave every night and during the days he had to bring Every all day every day. Everly also ended up being admitted to another hospital, fully sedated and had dental work done while I was admitted to the hospital (preplanned but happened to fall on a day I was still in the hospital). So I was sad I couldn't be there for that to comfort her and when I saw her she was super sad, tired and in pain as well. Then there was some "family drama" but I will leave it at that. Needless to say, overall not a very good experience and not what I was hoping for after a very much complicated pregnancy.

So I left the hospital without my baby but being that I live in the boonies, I want to make sure she is as healthy as she can be before she comes home so we make sacrifices to make it work to the best of our abilities. This usually means only one of us (usually Dave) comes up here each day and spends at least a few hours with her and does a couple of feedings with her. We would prefer someone up here all day every day but that's just not feasible fr us. And that pretty much brings me to today... she JUST started to take her full feeds yesterday (THANK YOU GOD... seriously an answer to prayers) and if all goes well and she gains weight, there is a very good chance we get discharged and go home in a couple of days. I can not wait. It would be the best Thanksgiving present ever and since Dave is laid off all next week (yes actually laid off for a week), it means he would be able to help the first week she is home - which would be such a blessing and a help too. Anyways I try not to hold my breath just in case but its getting exciting.